Saturday, March 18, 2017

Taking Stock

Scratchy Dress

Yesterday, I had a hard conversation with my mom. I was upset and stopped the car in a small town on my way home. Sitting in the twilight, I was able to think a bit about who I am as a person. Lately, I've thought a lot about this subject. What do I believe in? How do I want to spend the remaining years of my life? I've come to a few conclusions...

-I am an artist, and I am determined to make art in all of my spare moments. I put in the time. Even if I don't feel like it, I still get into the clay shed and produce. Not everything I make is fabulous, but I still keep at it.

-I love my family, especially my sisters and their husbands. All throughout my life, they have been   examples to me of how to conduct myself, and how to be of service to others. Having grace under pressure is key, and also giving to others is the way to live a life. I am especially mindful of my oldest sister's husband. He is a person with a huge heart, constantly doing things that benefit others, without pause. I have known him since I was 10 years-old. Seeing the arc of his life and his character has helped me so much. 

-I am a positive person. Yes, that's surprising, even to me. 

-I need to work on being grateful for my many blessings. This requires some major effort.

-I enjoy working with children, and feel like I am contributing to society. Children are amazing, and they make my life happier every day. They are forgiving and generous, and they remind me to be my best person.

-Travel is important in order to change a mindset. Even if the travel is just to a place a few blocks away or hours away, it is vital to look at life in a new way.

-Movies, books, and media are important influences. 

-I am a terrible, neglectful friend. But, that doesn't mean that I don't love and appreciate my friends. I need to work harder on being a better, more attentive companion.

-I tend to hold grudges, but have gotten better at letting go since moving to my new school site. It feels like others at my current workplace are as earnest as I am, which is helpful. And, there are good examples all around.

-I like to laugh, and I have a good sense of humor.

-Learning is important. Taking classes is important. Having a "growth mindset" is important.

I often tell kids that by fourth grade, they need to start making their own decisions, and guiding their own lives. They are in the "driver's seat". But, how well have I guided my life? It seems like there was a late start, and that I should have learned a lot more earlier on. In general, I take responsibility for my actions pretty well. And, most of the time, I accept the consequences of my decisions fairly well. Fairly well.

Tyrone Power
 I could be nicer. And, I could be a better conduit, listening to my conscience, and knowing exactly how to best serve others. Being an introvert sometimes is a roadblock. But, in general, my heart is mostly in the right place.

Every day is a new battle, and is full of new opportunities.

A quiet, polite former student: Willian

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